brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Green mimosas i think yes
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
