I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
