You're a womanizer and a bitch.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
