okay pat passed out under dana's car
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
