i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
