A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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