There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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