When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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