oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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