what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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