also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
