Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize