walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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