I'm laying in your front yard are you home
her vagine was all disorganized.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
