dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
