I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
A+ Viking dick
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
