I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
