i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize