I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
