I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
