thus making me awesome and them whores
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
