Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
