Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
