i already hear my dad disowning me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
