Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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