Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
