You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
