My Higher Power is John Stamos
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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