oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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