Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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