Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
