bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
