The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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