you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
