Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
