I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
