At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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