The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
