u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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