woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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