First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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