chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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