the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Cover your peen. We're going out.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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