as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Drake has all the answers
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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