Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Randomize
