When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
