Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
