I cannot find my penis.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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