K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
