Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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