there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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