We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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