thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
