and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
