I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
