actually, I'm a sock model
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Can I color on your dick again?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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