he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
