i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
