No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
