I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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