if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
