I feel like abortions should bother me more
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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