I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
