Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
