I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
