Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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