They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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