True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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