I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
