I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
