R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
