Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
