i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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