I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
